Now I get to talk about something that I have dealt with and encountered and had to learn to deal with in my 4 years in Korea: Being fat in a culture that sees and holds beauty to an insanely high standard. If you are thin and beautiful, you are more likely to get a job. More likely to get a husband. More likely to be happy…or that is what the thought process is. When you apply for a job you HAVE to send in a picture of yourself. So people photo shop the shit out of themselves just to get an interview. I am not sure how well that works because, newsflash….when you show up in person, your actual, non-photo shopped face will be the one they are staring at. Not the overly smoothed, blemish free, thinned out face of the photo shopped photo you sent in.
That is where the obsession with plastic surgery comes from. Plastic surgery is so popular here that it is normal to give a nose job or eyelid surgery for a HIGH SCHOOL graduation present. According to an article in the British Daily Mail newspaper, 1 in 5 women in Seoul get some type of plastic surgery. That is a lot of women. Is it right or wrong? That is a personal opinion. If someone wants to throw down 20 grand on a new nose…the more power to them. I just hate that it’s something that has become almost a requirement to get a job, get married and keep your social group, rather than a personal choice.
This obsession with beauty doesn’t just look at your face but your body as well. And let me tell you, being fat in a country that sees it as the worst thing ever…is interesting. Wait, let me rephrase that, being fat in a county that sees it as the worst thing ever AND is not afraid to point it out and comment to you about it is interesting. If there is something physically wrong with you, leave it up to a Korean to tell you, as bluntly as possible.
So back to being fat and living in Korea. I am fat. My friends cringe when I say that and jump quickly to tell me I am not. But, hey, lets face it, I am not a 125 lb 6′ tall, athletic, bikini model. I also realize that I am not 900 lbs..even though sometimes I feel like it. I am more of a short, curvy, big bootied woman who has never once put a bikini on. And you know what, after 29 years, I am ok with that. I have grown to love my body, my hips and my big butt. I work out, I go to a boxing gym, I love Pilates, I color to calm my nerves, I run in 5ks, I eat healthy (most of the time) I am sarcastic, I have a bad mouth, I travel the world and I am fat. If the worst thing you can come up with is that I am fat, I will take it. The word fat doesn’t make my hair stand on end anymore… and I kind of have Korea to thank for that.
4 years ago I arrived in the most homogeneous country in the world (don’t quote me on that, but I am pretty sure it is pretty damn close). A country where everyone looks the same and if you look different you get plastic surgery to look the same. Well, newsflash, I do not look Korean. I am blonde haired, blue eyed and curvy. I am the opposite of Korean. So here I am, blonde and big walking the streets of a country that all looks the same and holy shit does it bring some hilarious stories with it.
My first few weeks of teaching were interesting to say the least. The teacher before me was Korean American so they still had someone who resembled them. Then, in walks this new foreign teacher with basketball sized eyes, “gold” hair and thighs the size of most of their abdomens (I only know this because I had a student once walk up to me and compare the width of her abdomen to the width of my thigh with her Hello Kitty plastic ruler). One of my first classes I had was to teach a class of 6 year olds. They all were huddled at the window, eyes wide, staring at me and giggling. The teacher came out and told me that I was the first blonde haired person they had ever come in contact with. They were so interested. I was an alien to them. This was the beginning of 4 years of very interesting conversations, questions and comments about my physical appearance.
I have had student’s ask some great, grammatically correct questions in the past 4 years. Questions like:
“Why are your thighs so big?”
“Do you like to eat? You look like you do.”
“Teacher, do you know that you are fat?”
“Why are your eyes blue”
and my personal favorite but not grammatically correct question,
“Teacher, hair nature?” (Is your hair naturally blonde?)
All great questions. At first I kind of ignored the fat comments and questions. Everyone deals with this differently. There is probably some psychological equation on how to deal with this but for me, I used humor.
“Why are your thighs so big?”
Response: See, my legs are very strong…so I can lift things…like children…your size…and throw them out windows, like that window….there. ***silence**
“Teacher, do you know that you are fat?”
-Response 1: First, freeze in whatever you are doing. Look at them, grab your thighs and scream in horror and yelll….”whaaaat!? I am!?” They are so freaked out by your reaction they forgot about their comment.
-Response 2: Deny it. “No, I am not.” S: “Uhhh, yes you are.” T: “No, I am not” S: “Yes, teacher, you are fat.” T: “No, I am not, I like my body.” *do a cha-cha- step” and go back to teaching. Again, confuse them. Make them think you’re crazy. They stop asking.
Then there are just the normal questions about genetics. When you grow up with everyone around you having the same color hair and eyes, I am a confusing chunky ball of weird to them.
“Why are your eyes blue?”
-Response: “Well my mom’s eyes are blue” S: “Gasp! Your mom’s eyes are blue! WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR DAD’S EYES!?” T: “Green” S: *Head explodes* Usually they can’t comprehend a world where people have different color eyes/hair. At this point it is too much for them and they put their head on their desks as if their entire LIFE IS A LIE.
Kids also have no boundaries when it comes to touching. I have had my butt patted so many times, my stomach pinched, my arms poked, my arm hair stroked and my thighs measured. I also have learned the Korean words for “butt” and “pig.” Students are young. They are naive. I am the first person most of them have seen with blonde hair, blue eyes, a big butt, curves and thighs. They are told what is right and wrong and haven’t gained their own opinions yet. I can ignore kids comments.
It’s the adult comments that are the whoppers and the ones that make me realize how many Koreans really think. I was tutoring a 30 year old male for awhile and we had become friends. One day I was hanging out with him and he just stopped, looked at me and said, “Why don’t you want to be skinny? You would be SO PRETTY if you were skinny.” He then shook his head in shame and confusion as if I had just commited some heinous crime. Uhhhh ok. He was genuinely confused as to why I didn’t want liposuction and to kill myself on a diet of one celery stick a day just so that I could be beautiful in his eyes. That friendship didn’t last long after that.
I can understand this feeling of wanting to be skinny and I grew up in a somewhat supportive, body positive world. But here, jeesh, I wouldn’t have made it out of elementary school alive, being I was a ball of chunk. Here it is sooo much harder. I have 9 year old students missing class because they have to go to obesity clinics and grown men eating only sweet potatoes to try and be a size smaller. I have had soo many teachers, directors, bosses and friends tell me that I have gained weight, asked me why I don’t diet and then get upset when I don’t eat the entire cake they have made for the tutoring session. How am I supposed to lose weight when you feed me sweets all day and it is rude to turn down food….gaaahh!!
Outside of people I know, I have also had some run ins with just random people in the streets. I was standing at a crosswalk once when a women in her 70s came up next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see she was surveying the alien looking person (me) standing next to her. I turned and smiled at her, she smiled back, then pointed at my ass made a motion of big and then put her hands up like she was confused. Uhh, ok, what’s the question? I smiled, gave her thumbs up and walked away…thankfully the light was green. I have also become accustomed to people screaming or jumping at the sight of me. They don’t even mean to do it but if they don’t know I am around (and I think this goes for most foreigners) they are shocked by my non-korean looking self and a little scream of shock sometimes pops out. I find it quite entertaining.
All these experiences seem bad but I have also had some really positive experiences in relation to my appearance. My naturally blonde hair brings out many ooohs and aaahs from hair dressers. I even had a woman stop me on the street and ask my where I get it dyed. Then a look of confusion when I told her it’s naturally this color. In the past year or so I have seen a bit of a change in reactions to my body…or maybe just how I perceive the reactions. I thank Nicky Minaj and Beyonce for the “big booties are great” movement. (Cue “Anaconda.”) More men seem to be into them and more women want to have them. Students tell me that my “S” curve is good and once I mentioned that I was fat to a class and they all shook their heads and one student told me I was “medium sized.” That kid got two stickers that day. I also had one Korean man tell me that “he liked my fat ass.” Not sure I should take that as a compliment but I am just telling myself that he learned his English sayings from listening to gangster rap and watching “Straight Out of Compton” one too many times. Things are changing here and as the American diet gets more popular and people continue to eat the fried chicken and beer, people are bound to get bigger (that is my very un-scientific prediction for the future). I do not hope this one them. Because, being overweight isn’t a healthy thing and hopefully they can find healthy ways to slow it down and not turn out like the USA (No offense but us Americans are some large people).
I will say that after 4 years of living in Korea I have actually come to love my body. Not really sure when it happened or what did it. But I realized the other day that I hadn’t had a negative thought about my ass or legs in so long. #motherfuckingwinning. Maybe it is the fact that after awhile being called fat or looked at as fat just becomes ok. Or maybe at 29 you just start loving yourself more and accepting yourself. I have also realized that no matter my size, as long as I am consistently working out and eating healthy I feel good about myself. And if a guy doesn’t life my body proportions…well…there are many men out there who do.
I must say tho, I am excited to go back to a country in which I do not stick out like a pink flamingo at a funeral and where, even if people think you look like shit that day, nobody says a damn thing.
Now, I just have to remember it is impolite to ask American women their ages…that might take awhile.
Roaming Rackel 